Do they actually work, you know like a
real job?

I’m always surprised when people ask me this question, being on reality TV is a real job lol, but yes they all mostly have real jobs / push product. I’m not sure if what Jackita does is classified as a con job, but if you’re willing to pay Jackie Gilles $750 for some scribble on a piece of paper, then she’s doing a bloody great job – because you’re an idiot.

Lydia Schiavello does not have a job, she does however have 2 Personal assistants, Hair and Make up artists (plural) and what seems like a posse of ‘gay helpers’ i.e they are helping for free. Lydia does always seem to be very busy though, imagine trying to keep up with her brain – it would be like playing ping pong constantly all day and night, no wonder she needs two bloody PA’s – Hi Josh! lol. When you haven’t worked in full time employment for a longggggggggggggggg time, daily tasks that you used to be able to somehow magically squeeze in around your hectic day job and then on weekends very quick now seem to take a lot longer. Going to the post office when employed – 10 minutes, going to the post office when you’re Lydia Schiavello, fuck who knows? could take anywhere between 1 – 4 hours. Don’t forget she’s far too busy to empty those 2 dishwashers and don’t speak to her husband like that please.

Gina Liano is still a full time Barrister, Marriage Celebrant and of course has her Gina Liano empire of products. Venus Behbahani-Clark  < oh wa, what happened there? The ‘Clark‘ has been dropped.. is still practicing law and has her Venus Cosmetics range. Chyka Keebaugh and Brucey still own and run The Big Group, Janet Roach and Pettifleur Berenger married for money property developers and took their money went on to work in the same field as their ex husbands, Janet also has her Viagra Menopausal Tea exclusively sold at Chemist Warehouse.

Gamble Breaux-Wolfe Pup I am unsure if she has a full time job but I imagine she spends most of her days floating (yeah i’m not sure either but she floats like magic, must be that air down there in Mt Eliza) and paints those very unusual floral paintings, trying to figure out how to fit more people (like Janet) into her freezer with the frozen peas. Sally Bloomfield has pop up Ali-Express drop shipping stores (2) and a house hotel in Bali. Susie Mclean, don’t know – don’t care.

Andrea Moss went back to being Liberty Belle’s receptionist for her husband, Dr Chris Moss. And even though she’s not a Real Housewife of Melbourne – JOHANNA! Smith does not have a job, she was fortunate enough to meet a man who just happened to be filthy rich. See being Lydia’s House friend cleaner has it’s perks, maybe just not driving “Ching Ching not Chong Chong, meh all sounds the same to me”

Have you ever seen Gina Liano with no make up on?

Yes, and to answer the follow up question – there’s no rude shock, she looks the same just maybe her eyes look a bit smaller.

Is Lydia Schiavello’s Hair Real?

I’ve been asked this question so many bloody times lol, I’ll assume you mean ‘real’ as in human hair not a ‘wig’? I don’t see the fascination but to answer your question – Yes her hair is real, just 70% of it comes from Peru and India.

When they are not filming are any of the Housewives of Melbourne ‘real’ friends?

Janet Roach and Jackie Gilles are close friends, Chyka Keebaugh still see’s Jackie Gilles but not Janet Roach. Gina Liano and Lydia Schiavello are friends whether or not they are ‘close’ I wouldn’t know. Lydia Schiavello is still good friends with Carlos ( the one who started all those rumours.. yeah right Janet lol) from RHOM season 2, his warthog and his sausage dog. Gamble Breaux-Wolfe is friends with Pettifleur Berenger (but I think it’s one of those ‘see you every 2 weeks can’t handle you friendships’ – you can only handle so much Pettifleur) In general though they can’t fucking wait to see the back of each other, imagine fighting with someone then having to rock up at 7am the next day to film with them for 16 hours? No bloody thank you.

What was the rumour in RHOM Season 3? Was it true? Are Lydia and Chyka spoking speaking now?

Well that’s actually 3 questions Debra… but ok. I’m pretty sure most RHOM viewers were across what the ‘rumour’ was, it’s also a very personal subject that’s really none of our business. Was it true? lol no, not at all. Also no Lydia and Chyka do not spoke speak at all.

What happened to Gina Liano’s spin-off show ‘Judge Gina’?

It was filmed successfully and a few episodes were put together, I believe Eddie McGuire was the one backing it (smart man) but don’t quote me on that. Then for whatever reason it just never happened, possibly due to the franchise rights for Judge Judy, but then there was ‘Trial by KyleKyle Sandilands co-host of KISS 106.5 ‘Judge Judy style show’, so I don’t see why Judge Gina couldn’t still happen – let’s hope it does! #judgegina – Gina actually asked me if I would like to be her Bailiff like Byrd (the security looking guy in Judge Judy’s court room) I said yes of course, who wouldn’t? but after sending my photos to the production company I was given a polite ‘Thanks, but no thanks‘ I remember Gina was really embaressed about telling me this as she thought I might be offended – lol takes a lot more than that to offend me (they rejected me because I didn’t fit the image of a court room bailiff – fair call, I’m more Prince Charming or Ariel from The Little Mermaid) also I laugh out loud and point at the TV when watching Judge Judy, and with Gina Liano we laugh a lot so it was probably for the best anyway lol.

Did Sally Bloomfield really call Gina Liano a ‘Wog Bitch’?

Unfortunately Yes. I knew about the ‘Wog Bitch‘ inncident only a few hours after it happened. Gina called me from Mexico, I can’t remember what day it was only that it was after 3pm and before 5pm, why? Because I was drinking Tequila funnily enough (I only drink tequila, no I’m not an alcoholic. Wine gives me a rash, Beer makes me bloat and all other Spirits give me a shocking hangover. Tequila is the only alcohol that agrees with me, but yes it did ‘team with theme’ them being in Mexico and all and I only drink after 3pm < that’s how I know the timings) Gina and I usually just casually text each other and spoke speak in person, so when she calls I know it’s something important or bad. Gina (as she always does) apologised for calling me randomly even before the “hello” (normally it’s after the “hello”) I just said “What’s happened, are you ok?” She told me everything. I also didn’t realise she had been in hospital due to a restaurant in Mexico accidently giving her seafood, Gina went into anaphylactic shock and was rushed to emergency and from what I recall someone had to administer her Adrenaline Pen. The producers decided to edit that whole part out, which I found odd. I only call Gina Liano when it’s needed and likewise for her, it was all a bit too much and she just wanted to spoke speak to someone away from The Real Housewives of Melbourne show but still gets the show and her – that’s me lol. So Yes it was said – I never said anything because I thought it had been filmed (mic’d up and recorded doesn’t matter, production won’t use that) also I accidently (opps) didn’t watch the RHOM Mexico episode… (still haven’t) so I never saw any of it pan out, plus I was off social media at the time. It was only until 3 weeks after it had aired on Foxtel that I realised ‘Wog Bitch‘ was even part of the #RHOMelbourne s4 storyline.

Is Lorenzo Schiavello like it says he is in the papers?

ok this was an odd question, but I had to answer it – no he is not at all, Lorenzo is a very nice guy, he is still a young adult and like all of us is trying to find his way in life. Lorenzo has always treated me with the utmost respect and always made me laugh (even if it was with those stupid fucking annoying snap chap filters) personally I think the media should of not gone there and left him alone, but when the media are desperate I guess they’ll go anything.

Which of the Housewives of Melbourne do you think would be the best mum?

Gina Liano then Lydia Schiavello and Gamble Breaux-Wolfe.

How old is Janet Roach really?

768 years old.

Are you Gina Liano’s cousin or Personal Assistant?

lol nope……. I have no Italian blood in my family (married yes), so no Gina Liano is not my cousin. No I have never been Gina’s personal assistant or been paid to work for her.

Can Lydia Schiavello actually cook?

or as Pettifleur Berenger likes to say “is Lydia a good cooker?” the answer to that questions is YES – ok you know with all this Masterchef crap everyone thinks they can cook ( also you can be scored now as well ) but Lydia’s food is the bomb! Honestly I have eaten food from all over the world I even ate in Noma in Copenhagen – thank – you – very – much, but Lydia’s kitchen skills are something else it’s almost un-natural, I still don’t understand how you can make prawns taste so good with just butter on that teppanyakki oven, but OH MY GOD – her food? Amazing. If Lydia Schiavello ever opened a restaurant I would be there every day. She makes simple food taste like 5 star hotel food. It’s not fair, I blame it on some italian trickery – why can’t I do Lydia food? Where’s my Figaro? – actually where’s my 3 very attactive step sons… have you seen them?!! WTF?!! No you only get 1 attractive step son not all 3.. clearly some good mixing of genes going on there ( yes Lorenzo you’re still my favourite, because I know if everyting goes to shit – end of the world style – you’re probably the only one who could actually do anything or Jackita cause she’s magic ) God I want that bloody “simple prawn salad” right now! Wasn’t simple, looked very tricky, but see Leena has told Lydgia “don’t tell them your secrets, you Scillian too you give it back!” but yes I would more than happily rock up to Lydia Schiavello‘s house every day and eat whatever she made.

Who do you think has the best husband/wife relationship out of the Housewives of Melbourne?

Jackie and Ben Gilles.

Do you know stuff we don’t about the Real Housewives of Melbourne?

Yes a lot, but Simon that wasn’t a very specific question, so i’ll just say – Yes I know a lot.

What secret did Janet Roach tell Lydia Schiavello making Jackie Gillies in RHOM s4 so fucking fuming upset?

If it’s what I think it was then Janet Roach you really need to stop mixing your medication with your wine please.. Is there anyone looking after Janet or is she just roaming the streets at night? That ‘secret’ you will never know, well not from me or The Real Housewives of Melbourne. Extremely personal and not cool to discuss – ever, I don’t think I could forgive Janet Roach is she had done something like that to me, end-of-friendship.

Is The Real Housewives of Melbourne real or is it scripted?

I get this question A LOT as well, Yes it is real. If it was scripted don’t you think they’d have better RHOM scenes than Susie Mclean baking fucking cupcakes???

Were the stripper / pole dancer rumours about Gamble Breaux-Wolfe true?

No lol, Janet Roach made that up to get more air time. If anything Gamble maybe likes dancing on a podium at nightclubs but she would never be a stripper / pole dancer. She can also barely walk in a straight line without falling over, so I doubt she’s mastered a bloody pole-bend-and-snap lol.

Is Jackie Gilles really a psychic?

I honestly have no idea. She makes people happy and gives them closure on traumtic things that have happend in their lives, so whether or not mystic meg can or can’t see into the future or past makes no differnce to me.

Are The Real Housewives of Melbourne different in real life to how they are portrayed on TV?

Yes of course, one in particular – Pettifleur Berenger, she’s actually not that up tight, she can take a joke and believe it or not – she’s funny! Sad we never really got to see that side of Switch The Bitch. Gina Liano is a very caring person, genuine, honest and someone I feel I could trust with anything – I don’t think that was portrayed enough in the last few seasons. Lydia Schiavello hmmmmm depends on what day you get her, it’s like tuning a radio station – sometimes great, sometimes not so great. Venus Behbahani, lol no not at all – she’s a suburban mum wearing Kmart gardening shoes, she is extremelly intellegent though and has achieved so much in her life and she’s younger than me, which makes me think “where’s your law degree and nice house dickhead?” Venus can be sweet but also selfish as is Lydia. Gamble Breaux is actually a lot of fun and also has a great sense of humour, she’s the friend who will always make you laugh and even though she has no children of her own she still has that very strong maternal instinct. Chyka Keebaugh is exactly like she is portrayed, probably one of the nicest people I have ever met, her and Brucey of course. Jackie Gilles in real life is actually very shy as is Ben Gilles which surprised me, but both also very nice. Jackie’s not one to hold grudges – shine shine shine – and move on. Janet Roach is also exactly how she is portrayed, she DGAF about anything and will just laugh it off and if it’s her fault then she’ll blame it on being drunk or someone else (she’ll never forget though, she’s a vampire don’t forget) she also has a wicked sense of humour. Lisa Tonkin is bloody hilarious and I think it’s a shame they never cast her (let’s hope whoever cast Susie Mclean and Sally Bloomfield for The Real Housewives of Melbourne got fired)

How come we never saw more of Lydia’s husband Andrew Norbury? Is he nice?

Another question I get asked a lot, Yes Andrew is very nice, I guess what you would call a true gentlemen. Andrew is extremely busy with his architectural design firm and I imagine he didn’t want to be involved in anymore drama than he already was – which is the Schiavello household.

Have any of the Real Housewives of Melbourne had plastic surgery?

argh…. this bloody question, Gamble and Venus have been pretty upfront about what they have had done and they are telling the truth, as for the rest a few nose jobs, cheek implants and a whole lot of cosmetic surgery (i.e Botox, filler and teeth whitening) anything else is just good make up, good lighting, Facetune, filters and waist trainers. ‘Smoke and Mirrors’ as they say.

How much did Pettifleur pay Chyka and The Big Group for her 50th birthday party? Did she pay or Foxtel?

She paid not Foxtel and she paid 15k. $15,000 for bamboo sticks and dry ice, just the hallway as well – I could have done that for $300.

Do you have any regrets being involved with the Housewives of Melbourne?

Hmmmmm very unusual question Samuel.. lol, they say you should never have any regrets in life but that’s fucking stupid. Yes of course I have regrets, my spelling and grammar on the Gina Liano memes page in the beginning was horrific lol, I was drunk most of the time when I did those memes so whatever. I still can’t spell Physcic < see! I regret investing soooooo much of my time and energy into Lydia Schiavello and Venus Behbahani and not enough time helping Gina Liano and Gamble Breaux-Wolfe who really needed it (sorry Gamble x) I regret not being more honest with the housewives in person, I should of told them a lot more of what I knew but I didn’t (especially Gina, I should of told her a lot more) I regret ‘outing myself’ after Chyka’s Big Group dinner in RHOMelbourne season 2 (remember before that I was completely anonymous running the Gina Liano Memes page on Facebook), but I did that not for attention but to save another Housewives son. I regret not just running away when Chyka asked me at Gamble’s wedding if I was in Gina’s room the night before watching Celebrity Apprentice. I regret fueling the fire of hate towards Andrea Moss in season one, she’s not a bad person and human just like the rest of us. I regret not dancing with Gamble Breaux on her wedding night, that still eats away at me. Other than that, no Samuel I have no regrets lol.

This Post will be live on The Real Housewives of Melbourne memes page for 2 weeks before that Facebook page is permanently deleted – Have an unanswered RHOM question yourself? Comment on the memes page post and I will try and answer as many as possible – nothing too personal please x

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